Just had an interview on saturday and I’m glad that I pretty much aced it but there are other factors that do come into place. Eager to hear the results and crossing all my fingers that I will get it because this is what I have been waiting for. I even went to the trouble of putting make up on. Maybe this was a bad move, everyone was asking me if I just finished doing a show and even my choreographer reaction was “WAH”. Pfft. Maybe I should shock people once in a while and put more make up on.
2 more months of education until I end my education journey. It seems too fast.
Moving home is going to be a torture. After so many years of freedom and independence, going home to stay is going to be weird and somewhat, maybe awkward. Not having my own personal space and privacy is going to need some getting used to.
The thing that I am going to miss most are my dance friends and having a dance studio which I can play in all night long. I’ll miss doing concerts semester after semester, the bonding and spending time with my friends. It is all so precious now. I have no idea where my path brings me to next.
I feel quite scared at rehearsals, superbly conscious that i will mess up my steps or forget a “cleaned step”. Other times, I feel scared that I will say the wrong things and get a “look” or a sarcastic/disappointed/whatever remark. Maybe this comes with seniority – you are a senior you have to be better and stop asking so much questions and keep quiet.
Another time someone asked me “eh how come you are dancing so little in the item?” I wonder what am I supposed to reply. Sometimes, people just don’t use their brains and think before asking a question.
It has been a whirlwind of activities. Nights and nights of rehearsals, taking 2 modules of disgusting science and not to mention endless tweeting and facebooking for work that leaves me very tired. I need more sleep, more me time and more hard disk space in my brain.
A death recently happened, very suddenly. The dad of my good friend passed away and it was such a bad bad surprise for all of us. I have had my fair share of funerals ( paternal grandfather at 12, best friend at 16, pri sch friend at 18, maternal grandfather at 19, an uncle somewhere in between) but it was my first time attending a Christian funeral. There was less of those dong dong chiangs (which i am glad of) and significantly shorter period as well.
I was there for all 3 days, trying to be strong and to keep my good friend company. Thank goodness I had no rehearsals and I was able to skip some unimportant things. It was so surreal – like a bad dream that I never woke up from. To see her and her family in so much pain and future uncertain. To see her change to be the pillar of strength for her family. It was just so… painful. I love her eulogy, so heartfelt and full of anecdotes – how she truly loved her dad. My promise to myself that I wont cry broke. I was running a tap by the end of eulogy.
It was also different the way they take deaths. How dying is to wake up to be in God’s arms and living an eternal life with Him in Heaven. The body is merely a shell present on Earth.
Amazing Grace rang in my head for a few nights.
I had a poem given to me the other day:
“Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer’s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on the snowy linen land
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you”
How apt indeed. I want to be as beautiful for the people around me so that I am a blessing to them. I hope that I can be a blessing to them because I want them to be happy. Its okay if I’m not happy. I just need them to be happy.